Dear Dr. Bill,
I am a Christian and I am reluctantly filing for divorce. There isn’t enough room here to describe the misery of my 10 year marriage. My children, my husband and I deserve better. While I know God hates divorce, I also believe He is a loving God who wouldn’t want me to be this miserable. We have both made mistakes but I feel like I cannot live another day facing my husband’s quiet disdain. I have sought Godly counsel and my closest friends reluctantly agree with my conclusion. It is time to move on. God has a good life for me and my children. Don’t I deserve grace and mercy? Signed: Wanting Peace
Dear Wanting,
I feel your pain has become such a cliché but I can truly imagine what you are going through. The hurt is palpable. I think very little is worse than marital pain. Of course you deserve grace and mercy. I can understand why your friends are supporting your decision.
I just believe they are wrong. In trying to help you they are buying into a short-term solution which will solve nothing and lead to more long term pain. I know you can’t see that from your vantage point.
You are going down the path that has become society’s new standard.
We don't get along. We are hurt. We feel wronged. We are scared. It is too hard to do anymore. We'll get divorced and find peace. God will forgive and bless us. We have decided divorce is the better way. It is expedient.
And that’s just bull.
The only reason I fight for marriages is because I believe the “divorce solution” is not a solution at all. I do not wish you misery. I wish you a healed marriage.
You won't be better off. You won't have healing. You will be financially and spiritually poorer. You will likely be more (if that is possible) bitter. You will be alone or in a not so “blended” family. You will add to the divorce legacy of Christians. You will affirm your children's view that marriage is for the good times and not for when things get too tough. You will be a cogent testimony to ALL who know you about how limited God is and how utterly meaningless His word is to you.
Just on the other side of all this pain is healing that you will never see. There is a path that God will bless you for taking. There is forgiveness and healing and victory. It is harder in the short term but such a tremendous blessing over the long haul.
But everyone knows better. Most are so arrogant or blind that they will choose short-term relief and ignore what God has for them. You are in the process of breaking a vow you made before God. You each made it. It is not a vow that is void when the other of you fails. It’s a unilateral promise you made to God and now you say to hell with it.
I am mad. I am angry. I am sick to death of how casually we are now taking divorce. Friends don't let friends jump off a cliff without trying desperately to stop them. I believe you are being led to more darkness and not light. It would only take one of you to decide to say no to divorce. One of you to fight. One of you to not give up. It is not too late. Get help. One person can profoundly change a marriage. Don’t say it because “you haven’t tried everything!”
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1 comment:
Do not apoligize Dr. for telling the truth. What does this person want? Someone to tell her she is doing the right thing? I recently read a survey on divorce.
The survey stated that of the couples that stuck it out instead of divorcing 80 percent said they were happy 2 years later.
The couples that went ahead and threw in the towel? most stated they were no happier after they divorced than when they were married. There is a reason the internet personals are FULL of ads from divorced individuals. They are sad and lonely maybe? So is it worth working on your marriage "wounded soul"?
MAyybe for your kids sack? Kids DO NOT EVER get over mom and dad divorcing. It effects them the rest of their lives. And most don't end up staying married because no one showed them why they should. No one showed them that marriage is NOT a contract you void if one party isn't satisfied. marriage is a COVENANT.
Look up the definition of covenant.
I agree with Dr Bill. Our society makes divorce ok. When did we start wearing the scarlet "D" as a badge of honor. I sit here with two young children who are struggling worse than I am because their mother decieded to listen to all those people out there that she will be happier without her kids and husband rather than admit she found it more importtant to sit in a casino and feed her addiction than be with the family that loves her. And I am not angry with her I am angry with all the people that sell divorce as the answer to everyones problem.
Don't tell me GOD wants you to be happy by divorcing your husband.
God doesn't want anything of the sort. God wants you to go to him and trust he can heal your marriage. That he WILL heal your marriage. I WILL NOT APOLIGIZE like Dr. Bill has. I am sick to death of all the BS. Go to your Bible people. "God hates Divorce" Please ALL you "wounded soals" if I didnt make it plain enough go to Covenant Keepers.com before you go to a divorce lawyer. Enough said...
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