Marriage Crucible Newsletter

Hi Bill,You are absolutely right to shift focus to...

2008-12-19T21:22:00.000-08:00

Hi Bill,
You are absolutely right to shift focus to fear, safety, and protection. "Controllers" are driven by fear, especially fear of loss. Loss of status, security, emotional control, prestige.

While this is a generalization, a lot of women long for security and fear the loss of it above all else.

When a client describes their partner as a controller, I explore the client's complicity in this arrangement. If you never make a decision, you can never be wrong. Some prefer to be above reproach rather than choosing to exercise their leadership.

hey its tara, here is the website i was talking a...

2007-09-19T10:05:00.000-07:00

hey its tara, here is the website i was talking about where i made the extra summer cash.......... the website is here

In general, I agree with what you said. One thing...

2007-06-12T12:35:00.000-07:00

In general, I agree with what you said. One thing that stuck out to me was that Martha said she "needs Mom around' which implies that there is something that Mom is specifically providing. So, in that vein, Martha may also resent needing someone who has been inconsiderate to her, as if she will be beholden to her. If this is the case, then she could look at the situation with grace, and acknowledge that maybe Mom just has a generally poor outlook, and it's really not about Martha at all, and perhaps she'll find a way then to bridge the relationship.

Do not apoligize Dr. for telling the truth. What ...

2007-03-06T20:18:00.000-08:00

Do not apoligize Dr. for telling the truth. What does this person want? Someone to tell her she is doing the right thing? I recently read a survey on divorce.
The survey stated that of the couples that stuck it out instead of divorcing 80 percent said they were happy 2 years later.
The couples that went ahead and threw in the towel? most stated they were no happier after they divorced than when they were married. There is a reason the internet personals are FULL of ads from divorced individuals. They are sad and lonely maybe? So is it worth working on your marriage "wounded soul"?
MAyybe for your kids sack? Kids DO NOT EVER get over mom and dad divorcing. It effects them the rest of their lives. And most don't end up staying married because no one showed them why they should. No one showed them that marriage is NOT a contract you void if one party isn't satisfied. marriage is a COVENANT.
Look up the definition of covenant.
I agree with Dr Bill. Our society makes divorce ok. When did we start wearing the scarlet "D" as a badge of honor. I sit here with two young children who are struggling worse than I am because their mother decieded to listen to all those people out there that she will be happier without her kids and husband rather than admit she found it more importtant to sit in a casino and feed her addiction than be with the family that loves her. And I am not angry with her I am angry with all the people that sell divorce as the answer to everyones problem.
Don't tell me GOD wants you to be happy by divorcing your husband.
God doesn't want anything of the sort. God wants you to go to him and trust he can heal your marriage. That he WILL heal your marriage. I WILL NOT APOLIGIZE like Dr. Bill has. I am sick to death of all the BS. Go to your Bible people. "God hates Divorce" Please ALL you "wounded soals" if I didnt make it plain enough go to Covenant Keepers.com before you go to a divorce lawyer. Enough said...

I, too, understand the frustration associated with...

2007-03-06T12:15:00.000-08:00

I, too, understand the frustration associated with "having no choice" in certain matters. You feel alone, misunderstood, and taken for granted, like YOU DON'T MATTER. All quite natural.

But natural isn't always good and "ancient history" always seems to touch the present, whether in large or small ways. In the case of "struggle for this husband", the touch has been more like a "shove", one that was much harder than anticipated.

Now while I don't the history of the wife's daughter, erring on the side of the daugher's children is the loving course of action. Jesus has asked us to take care of the widows and orphans. Are these children not orphans? You may never see the fruits of the sacrifice required of you in this time, but you may rest in knowing that what you do for them has an eternal value.

So where do we go to find what we need to love sacrificially? We place our need and ourselves at the foot of Jesus' cross, asking for the srength, Grace, courage, and resolve to love with abandon. The same resolve that Jesus had when he crawled on to the cross meant for us. In that place, He WILL reach down and pour out the right measures for our need, though it may be far less than what we think we need. And so Jesus moves us, as the Psalmist says, "from strength to strength."

But this is much easier said than done, Satan rages a great battle against us for our mind and soul. So I pray that God meets this (and all) struggling husband(s) at the point of his (our) need with strength and peace, comfort blessing, and a love that flows like a river that come only from knowing His Son who saves us from ourselves.